Music

An Author To Her Book

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 19
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: An Author To Her Book
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: Anne Bradstreet
  • Genre: acapella

Lyrics

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/author-her-book

Lyricist: Anne Bradstreet, 1612 - 1672

Thou ill-formed offspring of my feeble brain,
Who after birth didst by my side remain,
Till snatched from thence by friends, less wise than true,
Who thee abroad, exposed to public view,
Made thee in rags, halting to th’ press to trudge,
Where errors were not lessened (all may judge).
At thy return my blushing was not small,
My rambling brat (in print) should mother call,
I cast thee by as one unfit for light,
The visage was so irksome in my sight;
Yet being mine own, at length affection would
Thy blemishes amend, if so I could.
I washed thy face, but more defects I saw,
And rubbing off a spot still made a flaw.
I stretched thy joints to make thee even feet,
Yet still thou run’st more hobbling than is meet;
In better dress to trim thee was my mind,
But nought save homespun cloth i’ th’ house I find.
In this array ‘mongst vulgars may’st thou roam.
In critic’s hands beware thou dost not come,
And take thy way where yet thou art not known;
If for thy father asked, say thou hadst none;
And for thy mother, she alas is poor,
Which caused her thus to send thee out of door.

(This poem is in the public domain.)

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Banana Marker

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 18
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Banana Marker
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genre: other

Lyrics

Have you thought of doing something
about the banana marker?
I think it is ready to pluck.

The existence of banana markers has often been dismissed
by the popular press. However, there are markers in bananas,
and sometimes we pull one out. We find, “Hey, there’s a
marker here. It kind of smells like bananas.” Or maybe it
smells like mangoes. But other times, we find it smells
like pears and plums. The markers cannot be denied, for
they exist. They are present in these fruits. Only a fool
would deny what they can see with their own eyes.

Have you thought of doing something
about the banana marker?
I think it is ready to pluck.

There has been some suggestion that the state has been
trying to suppress evidence of banana markers for several
years. And admittedly, there are men in black who hunt
down some of these markers from bananas and remove them
from schools and classrooms. However, these men are not
part of a secret military group. They’re simply principals
who are leary of the use of pesticides in their schools.
They’re good people.

Have you thought of doing something
about the banana marker?
I think it is ready to pluck.

And yet, we still have banana markers that still need to
be dealt with. Are we going to let these banana markers
rot inside the bananas or are we going to remove them
and make art with them the way God meant us to do.
We have a duty to ourselves, to our gods, to the future
of mankind. Can we make the best art possible out of
these markers? I think we can. It’s up to us.
We can do this.

Have you thought of doing something
about the banana marker?
About the banana marker?

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Out Of Earshot

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 14
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Out Of Earshot
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

I thought I was out of earshot.
I thought people could not hear me.
But my toot, it was just so loud,
and dear God I got caught!
They heard me toot in the other room
the President thought shots had been fired.
They heard me toot in the other room
the Secret Service were spilling hot coffee!
I thought I would be in for a shock,
perhaps a very severe shock!
I just wanted to see the White House,
but then I had to toot.

I found myself in a big knot of people,
I could not quite escape.
And I held my toot, oh, so tightly,
until I toot-toot tooted away.
The big knot of people
squirted around me running far away.
I thought I could get out of ear shot
but I had not gone far enough.
They were all in severe shock.

And I tooted. I tooted once again.
I was in the souvinere shop
and I tooted near my friend!
I could not help it!
It followed me around.
The stink, it was expelling
all around the town.
And you know!
Sometimes it’s just the way it happens.
And you know!
There’s nothing else to say.

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Table

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 15
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Table
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

I like to eat my food
from a table
not from a llama.
It’s just what I’m used to,
I don’t want to bother,
but I don’t want to eat
on this llama today.
“Do you have a table?”
is what I’m trying to say.

I think I like to do
lots of things that require
tables instead of other things.
Sometimes I like
to write about a bike,
and sometimes I like
to draw a picture.
I know you wanted me
to use that orca,
but orcas are wet,
and my paper sticks to it.

How would you like
to do something like
play a board game.
I know you said we could
use that camel,
but it’s really not the same.
Camels are kind of lumpy.
They’ve kind of got the bumpies.
And this board game,
it kind of takes some space.
I know you’re just
being as nice as you can be,
but I really want a table.

Please.
For me.

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Silly Beard Song

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 13
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Silly Beard Song
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

This is my silly song.
I think it won’t take too long.
This is my silly song
about something super silly.

Have you ever had a song
that’s just so silly
but, when you try to sing it
it only comes out seriously?
When you try to sing it,
the silliness is gone.

This is just such a song.
It was supposed to be so silly.
It started out real silly.
But now the silliness is gone.

I wanted it to be about
a super-duper silly beard,
but then the silliness
it left me alone.
And then the beard
it launched itself to the throne.

And the beard does not
like my silly song.
The beard only wants
very serious songs.

And so I’m stuck
singing this song
that was supposed to be
so silly.

But it’s not.
It’s just a serious
beard song.
A serious beard song
about a serious Beard King.

I thought it might be
a beautiful Beard Queen.
But no.
It’s just a boring man beard.

But without a man behind it
it’s just a masculine beard.
And so it is so very serious,
it does not like things silly.

But maybe if it were a beautiful woman’s beard
it could be a little more silly.
Maybe if it was a gender-neutral beard
it would be even more silly!

But, do beards have gender?
I don’t think they do.
But they do sometimes
have sense of humor.

Do beards have gender? I don’t think they do.
And that beard it has no humor.
How do you add some humor to a beard?
It’s not like leftovers that can fall in it.

How can you add some humor to a beard
when that beard is not so silly.

But, if that beard has his way
he will destroy the non-bearded faces.
If that beard, he has his way,
he will destroy so many.

But, perhaps he needs to know that
unbearded faces can be such fun.
Perhaps he needs to know that
all faces are important.

Do not destroy the unbearded faces!
Do not kill anyone!
They all have important roles to play
even if it’s not holding beards.

But what if we just give people beards
So everyone can have a beard.
Would that make the Beard King happy?
Would that make the Beard King leave us alone?

So let’s pass out the beards, oh yes!
I know we don’t have fancy ones,
but some are made of yarn!
Sure! Some are made of yarn!

But I know that the Beard King doesn’t see well.
He just uses his beard to touch things.
And he’ll touch a beard and be so happy
and we can be happy too.

So, let’s all have a serious beard
to wear upon our faces!
Give them to the children and babies.
Leave no barren faces!

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School

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 11
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: School
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genre: acapella

Lyrics

When it comes to singing songs
all of us our teachers.
When it comes to singing songs
we are students as well.

We learn from each other
as we sing our songs.
We learn from each other
as we play along.

When it comes to singing songs
all of us our teachers.
When it comes to singing songs
we are students as well.

We sing and we listen.
We comment and cheer.
We sing and we listen
and sometimes have a beer.

When it comes to singing songs
all of us our teachers.
When it comes to singing songs
we are students as well.

We like to sing our songs
and we listen as well.
We are learning and growing
sometimes with cowbell.

We are singers of stuff!
We are singers of fun!
We love to sing!
We love to play!
We will get our songs done!

When it comes to singing songs
all of us our teachers.
When it comes to singing songs
we are students as well.

We are students as well.

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Locked

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 12
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Locked
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

I am locked here behind the wall.
Locked here. And growing bald.
My hair has fallen from my head
as I am locked behind the wall.

I s’pose I should be worried or dead
for I am locked behind this wall.
But I am just losing my hair
locked behind this wall.

Do you have a wall?
That you are locked behind?
Maybe it’s decency,
or maybe it’s just wine.

But, unlock your wall
and go outside!
Because if you have the key,
you have no excuse.

I on the other hand
am quite, quite locked
because the one with the key
has left the room.

So I am stuck here behind this wall.
Quite, quite, locked away.
So I am stuck here behind this wall.
And this is where I’ll stay!

But you! Yes, you!
When you lock yourself behind those things.
Yes, you! Yes, you!
You can unlock your walls.

Change and transform!
Perhaps your whole room!
You do not even
need that wall.

Change and transform
and become something more!
You don’t need the lock
or that wall!

Change and transform
and become something more!
You don’t need
to stay locked.
Tucked in a corner.
Locked away.
All your days.

But, I do. Oh, yes, I do.
Because the one with the key
is most, most, most
definitely not me.

They have left the room
don’t you see!
So I’m trapped here
trapped here
for all eternity.

I will just
stay here
quietly.

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Your Country

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 10
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Your Country
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

Where do you come from,
if you come from the future?
Where, exactly, is your country?

It is the same one
that the folks know here.
It’s just been changed
so slightly.

Has it been improved?
Has it become worse there?
Has it been improved?
The country from the future.

What kind of country are you from?
You, who are from the future?
It is your country. You created it.
You are from the future.

All the actions that you took
it has helped create your country.
All the actions you condoned,
it too helped create your country.

You are from the future.
The future you created.
You are from the future.

The future country that you will be from!
Be from, the future, future country!
Be from, be from, you’re your future country.

All countries, they have a future,
unless they have been destroyed.
You can’t be from one of those
because you’re from the future.

What great joys will
the future hold for us all?
We might know when we make them.
We might fight out then.

But, what will we make?
What shall we embrace?
As we create the country
that we will be from.

As we make your country
in the future
for the future
of the future
now.

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Heat Wave

  • Artists:
    • Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
    • unpronounceable
    • yam655
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 9
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Heat Wave
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

The dalmations were sleeping,
until the heat-wave came along.
The dalmations were sleeping,
until the heat-wave mugged them wrong!

It mugged their spots!
It mugged their spots!
And left them all senseless!

It mugged their spots!
It mugged their spots!
And now they’re quite spotless!

And the heatwave it moves along,
and it keeps knocking over trashcans.
It’s better than setting them on fire,
which is what it used to do.

And the heatwave, it moves along
and it just insulted that man’s mother
or perhaps his cat,
I am never really sure.

The heatwave it rolls through town
insulting and destroying things.
And someday it will roll on through,
but not soon enough.

The heatwave, it rolls through town,
insulting everyone it knew.
The heatwave, it rolls through town.
We call the heatwave John.

We don’t like John.
He is such a heatwave!
We don’t like John.
And we hope he leaves soon.

We don’t like John.
He’s got such a hot-head.
But he’s also good-looking.
He’s really a heat-wave.

Perhaps John will leave
before he sets something on fire,
but then again,
he’s already set my heart ablaze.

Oh, you, John,
you look so very pretty,
but please do not set the library
on fire today.

He is a glorious heatwave.
Oh so hot and sweaty!
He is a glorious heatwave.
But he really must leave town.

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Chance Encounters

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 7
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Chance Encounters
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation

Lyrics

Shopping in the grocery store
is full if chance encounters,
and I’m not talking about
the human ones.

You don’t know what kind of food
you’ll encounter!
You don’t know what kind of food
will decide you’re the one!

Sometimes I’m walking in the grocery store
and food it leaps off the shelf at me:
“Take me home!”
“Be my love!”
“Devour me completely!”
Sometimes, yes, I agree.
Sometimes, I agree.

It can be, oh, so lovely.
It can be delicious on my lips.
It can be, oh, so lovely.
But they’re only short relationships.

Just one night alone with you.
Just you and me.
And maybe a bottle of wine
could set the table for three.

I would really like to
get to know you better.
Maybe you have
some secret spices in you?

And how will I know?
How will I know what is in you?
I must explore you with my mouth!
I must explore you with my tongue!

And eventually, you’ll travel south!
To reach my inner sanctum!
Deep within my tummy
you shall be transformed.
Deep inside my tummy!
You’ll be food never more!

At least until the cycle completes itself.
Transformed somewhere else.
You may be return to the ground
and be feasted on by others.

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Find The Time

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 6
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Find The Time
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • improvisation
    • lo-fi acapella

Lyrics

I just need to find the time,
find the time,
to do what needs be done.

I must find the time,
find the time,
and then I will be complete.

How many times have I said I would do it?
But I still have not done it.
How many times? I’m only asking me.
I think it’s 103.

I know that I should
find the time.
But there really is no time.
I really must just create the time

With perhaps
a mallet.
I think I need
a mallet.

And then I can…
Smash the time!
Crush the time!
Destroy the time!

That’s truly how I would find the time
to get all things done.
That’s truly how I would find the time
to get all things done.

And perhaps while I smash the time
I could also smash other things.
And perhaps while I smash the time
I could smash everything!

Because I just need to
crush the time!
Destroy the time!
And smash the time!

That’s how you
create the time
that you will find!

I know that not all people
think the same way.
There are people who
twiddle and mope about.

But those people, they
never have time to say
“Hey you should make some time!
If it is what you are about!”

If it’s important to you
then just do it!
If it’s important to you
then make it happen!
If it’s important to you
you should do it!

There is no time
other than now!
There is no time
other than now!

(Because I’ve destroyed it.)

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Priceless Poop

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 5
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: Priceless Poop
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • improvisation

Lyrics

Would you like to buy my poop?
I’ve heard it doesn’t have a price.
Would you like to buy my poop?
I think that means it’s priceless.

My poop I make it, just like the golden goose.
My poop I make it, it’s really not very loose.
I think I would like to sell you my poop.
It’s really, really priceless.
(But I’ll let it go cheap!)

I think I would like to
sell my poop, poop, poop.
I think I would like to
sell a lot of poop.

Would you like, perhaps a tonne,
metric or imperial is fine!
Let’s just sell some of my poop
because I have so much, much, much of it.

I think I make too much.
I think I really make quite a lot,
but since I have so much, much, much of it
perhaps I will let it go on sale today.

Would you like to buy my poop?
It’s really quality poop, poop, poop, poop.
Would you like to buy my poop?
It is basically priceless.

If something is priceless,
then it has no price.
If something is priceless,
then it can’t be bought.

But I am willing to sell my poop.
I am willing to sell quite a bit of it.
I won’t quite sell all of it
because some of it’s not ready.
I won’t sell the part of it
that is still inside my belly.

But I have so much poop, poop, poop, poop.
And I’m ready to let some of it on go.
I have so much poop, poop, poop, poop.
And I’m ready to sell it for a nice, fair price.

I know I said it was priceless, and it’s true!
But I’m willing to sell it cheaper than that.
I know that I said it’s priceless, and it’s true!
But I will settle for 59.95.

59.95
for a block of poop, poop, poop.
59.95
and it’s just for you, you, you, you, you!

59.95
And it’s so, so, so much
and it’s true
And I hope that you like it lots!

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The Fuzzy Beard

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 4
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: The Fuzzy Beard
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • acapella
    • by-request

Lyrics

Why did I not realize that
the fuzzy beard was not fuzzy?
The fuzzy beard was not fuzzy.
The fuzzy beard was not fuzzy.
It was just beardy and sharp.

I thought that beards were supposed to be fuzzy,
but I guess I was wrong, wrong.
I guess I was wrong.
Because my beard, it’s not fuzzy.

I guess I was wrong.
I guess I was wrong.
So I should
change this song.

Because, beards arn’t fuzzy,
even though that beard’s named Fuzzy.
So I guess it’s a Fuzzy beard
that’s not fuzzy!

At least,
so goes my song.

Have you ever had a beard?
A fuzzy and beautiful beard.
Have you ever had this beard
give you
beard kisses?

Beards they love to kiss people
or tickle people
or poke people.
And sometimes they will
POKE YOU IN THE EYE
if you get too close!

So that’s why you wear safety glasses
when you get close to a beard.
So that beard can just kiss you,
and maybe tickle your cheeks,
but you don’t
really want
that
beard to
POKE YOU IN THE EYE!
No, that would not be sweet.

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A Strand Of Hair (Bertha Betty Mayer)

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 3
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: A Strand Of Hair (Bertha Betty Mayer)
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • acapella
    • improvisation

Lyrics

There was a strand of hair dangling!
Dangling from her head!
So I pulled it! I pulled it!
And this is what she said:

“My name is Bertha Betty Mayer.
I come from far away,
and I think you might like to
wind up dead today.

Do not pull my hair,
no way!
Do not pull my hair!
I will kill you,

slay you, butcher you, better!
And I’ll leave no trace behind.”
Bertha Betty Mayer,
she was truly one of a kind.

So I did what you expect,
and I touched her hair so-so lightly.
I touched it once, I touched it twice,
and then she turned with all her might!

She brought her knives!
Glorious, gleaming knives!
She brought her paws!
Her furious paws!
She brought her teeth!
Sharp, clenching teeth!
And she brought her thumbs!

She said, “If you don’t stop!
I will put my thumbs right in your eyes.
If you don’t stop!
I will slice off your toes.

If you don’t stop!
I will bat your ears with my paws,
and you’ll be hurt and blind.
Hurt and blind, I suppose.”

So, I stopped, at least for the moment.
I stopped doing what I was doing.
I did not touch her hair. Touch her hair.
Until the following day.

Because, I did not like her,
and I like to bother her.
I know it was wrong, but
I did not stop.

I could have stopped, if I wanted.
Yes, I know that!
But now, I’m stuck
in seven vats.

For she sliced me and diced me
and scattered me all about.
Some of me are collected
in these jars and vats.

I think that one is beer,
and I think that one is mustard.
I don’t know what people will say
when they uncork that one!

But I’m gone now,
I’m gone now,
most everyone.

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A Strand Of Hair

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 2
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: A Strand Of Hair
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genre: acapella

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
I had this little strand of hair
it got in my face sometimes.
I had this little strand of hair
and so I chopped it off.

[Verse 2]
I chopped that strand of hair away
I chopped it off my head.
And what, quite then, did happen friend
when I saw my head next?

[Bridge A]
It grew! Another!
Fine strand of hair!
So I went right in and chopped it off,
another strand of hair.

[Chorus]
But it grew! My hair!
Like some five-headed hydra!
It grew! My hair!
So I’m stuck with lots of hair.

[Verse 3]
I thought I might want to
remove all of my hair.
I went away to the barber shop
to have them chop it there.

[Chorus]
But it grew! My hair!
I could hardly make it through the door.
It grew! My hair!
I could barely make it through.

[Verse 4]
Once I was in that shop,
they thought they’d chop it off.
They were going to use a buzzer
and buzz it right, right off.

[Chorus]
And they buzzed, they buzzed
for hours and hours.
They buzzed, they buzzed
until I had no hair.

[Bridge B]
And I stood up and
looked around the place
examining the sight.
My hair had spread all
through their eyes
and it got deep inside,
But it wasn’t on me anymore!
I could, yes, go outside!
So, I left that barber shop
and I ran, yes, far outside.

[Chorus]
For it grew! My hair!
Devouring that whole building!
It grew! My hair!
And we had to burn it down.

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A Song About Dreaming About Selling Songs

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 1
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: A Song About Dreaming About Selling Songs
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • crapcapella
    • lo-fi acapella
    • improvisation
    • by-request

Liner Notes

I’m trying to polish up more of my songs this year, but I’m starting off with a pure improvisation. Here’s why:

This song was requested by my seven year old son. When I finished it, I was informed that he made seven dollars selling his song in his dream.

It’s also about a subject matter that isn’t really begging for more polished songs. As it stands, it has meaning to the primary audience — my son — and that is enough. Working on it more is unlikely to expand that audience, as my kids are not strangers for asking for original versions of my songs, or songs without instruments added, etc. (I might ruin it for him, but I’m unlikely to make it awesome for anyone else.)

Do you think it could be tweaked and made super awesome? Cool. It’s released Creative Commons Attribution, so as long as you credit me for the tune/lyrics, you’re free to make all the money from it.

Lyrics

Let’s sing a song about
dreaming about
selling songs.

Have you ever had a song
about dreaming
about selling songs?
Have you ever had a song
about something like that?

What kind of copyright
do you use when you sell a song
in a dream
inside a song?
How can you go wrong?

I think the song
inside the dream
inside this song
might be Creative Commons.

I think the song
inside the dream
inside this song
might be usable for free.

Go ahead and use it,
in your video in your dreams.
Go ahead and use it,
in the podcast of your dreams!
Go ahead and use it
and make the biggest, greatest
movie for me to see
in my dreams!

Please would you use my song this way?
It’s a song inside my dreams in this song.
I would like you to share it, if you can,
but please, please, remember to credit me!

I would like to see a song,
that you heard
from the dream
inside this song
from my head,
that I sang today.

I hope you enjoy
this song
about a dream
about a song
being sold.

Please do not hurt your head
if that is confusing to you.
Please do not hurt your head
if music licensing is confusing.
Check out Creative Commons!
They have a great website!

And remember,
when you select the tunes
for that movie
or that TV show
in your dreams
maybe from your song,
you can use this song
that you heard about today
inside the dream
in this song.

I hope that you have a really great day
and the dream unfolds
magnificently,
giving you the best dreams,
giving you the good dreams,
for you to see,
for you to be.

Download the lyrics