A Strand Of Hair (Bertha Betty Mayer)

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: 50/90 2018
  • Track: 3
  • Year: 2018
  • Title: A Strand Of Hair (Bertha Betty Mayer)
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Poet: S.W. Black
  • Genres:
    • acapella
    • improvisation


There was a strand of hair dangling!
Dangling from her head!
So I pulled it! I pulled it!
And this is what she said:

“My name is Bertha Betty Mayer.
I come from far away,
and I think you might like to
wind up dead today.

Do not pull my hair,
no way!
Do not pull my hair!
I will kill you,

slay you, butcher you, better!
And I’ll leave no trace behind.”
Bertha Betty Mayer,
she was truly one of a kind.

So I did what you expect,
and I touched her hair so-so lightly.
I touched it once, I touched it twice,
and then she turned with all her might!

She brought her knives!
Glorious, gleaming knives!
She brought her paws!
Her furious paws!
She brought her teeth!
Sharp, clenching teeth!
And she brought her thumbs!

She said, “If you don’t stop!
I will put my thumbs right in your eyes.
If you don’t stop!
I will slice off your toes.

If you don’t stop!
I will bat your ears with my paws,
and you’ll be hurt and blind.
Hurt and blind, I suppose.”

So, I stopped, at least for the moment.
I stopped doing what I was doing.
I did not touch her hair. Touch her hair.
Until the following day.

Because, I did not like her,
and I like to bother her.
I know it was wrong, but
I did not stop.

I could have stopped, if I wanted.
Yes, I know that!
But now, I’m stuck
in seven vats.

For she sliced me and diced me
and scattered me all about.
Some of me are collected
in these jars and vats.

I think that one is beer,
and I think that one is mustard.
I don’t know what people will say
when they uncork that one!

But I’m gone now,
I’m gone now,
most everyone.

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