The Cat Princess

By:S.W. Black

Cast of Characters

Princess:a fifteen year old girl
Uncle:A cat claiming to be the girl’s uncle.
Bub:A fish in a person-shaped machine.
Narrator:A voice that speaks between songs.
Guards:Assorted guards on the side of the Orange One
Orange One:An orange cat that loves profit above all else.
Chorus:A chorus of strange creatures and other Fair Folk
Villager:A random cat-villager.

About the setting

This libretto has been written up to support an audio production.

1. The Watchful Cat

Setting: Urban, with cars passing and other people talking in the distance. The notion is that the Princess is walking to or from school and repeatedly noticing the same cat.

Princess

That cat is watching me. I don’t know why.
That cat is watching me. Why do I want to cry.
I like cats. Yes, it’s true.
But my life feels, oh, so blue.
Something’s missing in my life. That, I am sure.
Family they don’t tell me much.
My mother gone now long ago.
My birthday is coming,
but that’s nothing much.
What I’ll get I don’t know.
Why is that cat watching me? He’s so fat.
I think he might be really soft and huggable.
Why is that cat watching me?
Why does he bring me glee?
Why does he look so lovely and huggable?
I’m just a kid, lonely as kids my age.
I’m just a kid and that cat’s watching,
following, chasing me.
Why does he taunt me so,
staying just out of reach?
Why does he watch me so?
I see him, doesn’t he see?
That cat is watching me.

Narrator: The cat was, in fact, watching her. It was her birthday, though her father hadn’t told her. Her father knew the approximate day she was born, but time is different in Fairy.

2. Turn Fifteen

Setting: A quiet bedroom. Soft crickets chirping would help imply the window is open.

Princess

Why can’t I turn fifteen?
I want a party and to be seen.
Why can’t I turn fifteen?
Like my friends, like on TV?
Why? Why shouldn’t I?
Why? Why shouldn’t I?
I would like to have a party.
Maybe one or two friends at most.
I would like to have a party
It would fun, and I’ll host.
Why won’t they let me turn fifteen?
A quinceañera to be seen!
Why won’t they let me turn fifteen?
They want me out of town.
They don’t want me here to be found.
They want me out of town.
But, why? Why? Oh, why?
My friends when they turn fifteen
they have a party and it’s all obscene
lots of lights and parties bright
and dancing and dancing.
I don’t want something big and brash.
A lovely little bash.
Just a few and family, too.
I want to turn fifteen.
Why won’t they let me turn fifteen,
turn fifteen.

Princess: Why, hello kitty cat. What are you doing way up here?

Narrator: She has been interrupted by the very cat that had been watching her. He found her and, when the timing was right, he greeted her.

3. Princess Cat

Setting: The same a quiet bedroom as Turn Fifteen.

Uncle

My niece, my niece, my niece!
It’s your birthday today!
My niece, my niece, my niece!
Purr-purr hooray!
It’s your birthday little niece,
princess bright, a princess sweet.
It’s your birthday, birthday niece.
And you are a cat! You are a cat!
I know you might not think you’re all that
but trust me, trust me.
You are a cat.
We kept you here
far from prying eyes
somewhere the truth could only lie.
This land it’s really strange.
This land, it really hurts my brain.
These people here are quite obscene.
This land, this land
but you my sweet are a princess neat
and I’ve come to bring you home.
You, my sweet, are a princess neat
and a cat just like me.
I’m your uncle, yes.
You’re my niece by my sister Bess.
You’re my niece, oh yes.
And your mother, Bess needs you to come home.
Your mother, Bess, needs you to help us all.
We need your help now most ever needed.
It will bring us gentle peace.
We need your help.
We most evidently need it.
We need your help, my princess cat.
My princess niece,
would you come home with me?
You are a princess and you are a cat.
Lost here where they grow big and fat.
This land is strange,
these humans odd.
They don’t exist where we’re from,
not at all.
Please come home with me.

Narrator: And so she did.

4. Welcome to Fairy

Scene: The sound of a bustling village opens up to the sound of a single voice, A Villager calls out.

Villager: She’s here! She’s in the valley south of town! We should greet her!

Chorus

Welcome to Fairy!
Welcome to Fairy!
We have been waiting for you.
Welcome to Fairy!
Welcome to Fairy!
It will be filled with delights!
What delights will wait you here?
Will you ever know, oh, oh?
What delights will wait you here?
We brought a show, oh, oh.
What delights? What delights?
Dragons and Fishers’ machines!
Lots of things you might find obscene.
They are all here, oh yes.
And many are nice!
But we’re not all nice!
No, we’re not all nice.
The Orange One is here and we serve him!
We will make sure that you never see your kin!
The Orange One must be served!
We know you are the rightful heir!
But you will never see the throne, oh, no.
As you will never see your home, home, home.
The Orange One he must be served.
The Orange is really the boss.
The Orange One rules us all.
The orange, Orange One.
The Orange One he must be served.
He brings only fear.
He will destroy us all.
Of this you must not fear.
If you serve him,
you might be last to die.
If you serve him,
he might leave you an eye.
The Orange One must be served.
The Orange One is hungry.
Devouring the countryside,
devouring all he sees.
You can not help!
You can not help!
The Orange One has already won! Don’t you hear?
The Orange One has already won. Don’t you hear?

Narrator: It wasn’t hard for the Princess to be recognized when she’s the only human around. For you see, when she arrived in Fairy, she did not magically return to cat form.

5. Blub, blub, blub

Scene: Somewhere in Fairy on the road.

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub.

Uncle

We must go to the Fishers.

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub.

Uncle

That’s what we must do.

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub.
Blub, blub, blub, blub.
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.

Uncle

The Fishers will help! Help you!

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub!

Bub

I am one of the Fishers!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
In my breathing suit!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
I am just a fishy!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
In my breathing suit!
Blub! Blub, blub, blub, blub!
We are fishies full of technology!
Blub, blub, blub!
We will help you don’t worry!

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!

Uncle

He is of the Fishers!
He goes blub, blub, blub!
He will help us! He will help us!
That I am quite sure of!
He will help us! He will help us!
That I am quite sure of!

Uncle, Bub and Princess

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
On our way to the Fishers!

Chorus

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
Will they ever get there?
Blub, blub, blub, blub!
Blub, blub, blub, blub!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!

Guards

We must stop them here!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
Hey, let’s fight right here!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
We will catch you! We will snatch you!
We will take you here!
There are the sounds of a scuffle.

Princess

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
Hey, where’s the tech of the Fishers?
Hey! You caught my uncle!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
I want my uncle back!
Hey where are they going?

Bub

Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub!
Oh, that’s so sad.
I can’t cry because I’m a fish.
Please don’t bother hunting for them.
We will catch them later, I promise!
Blub, blub, blub, blub!
Blub! Blub, blub, blub!
We will catch them.
I promise!

Narrator: And so, the Princess’ Uncle was caught. He was snatched away. The Princess was distraught. However, they did manage to make their way to the Fishers.

6. Perfectly Sane Technology

Scene: A bustling bazaar mixed in with assorted mechanical sounds.

Chorus

This is the perfectly sane technology,
perfectly sane technology. This is the
perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers.
Fishers they have so much technology.
They like their technology.
They make it in the ocean.
They make it so they can fish.
They make it in the ocean,
and climb out with it.
This is perfectly sane technology
perfectly sane technology
perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers.
They have robot humans
that they walk out on the land.
Robot humans
with little fishes driving them.
Perfectly sane technology
perfectly sane technology
perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers.
They have fishy little cars that drive
fishy little cars that drive
fishy little cars that drive
in water and sometimes land.
In water and sometimes land.
They have lots of tentacle technology
tentacles squirming
tentacle technology
of the Fishers.
Perfectly sane technology.
Perfectly sane technology
It is perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers.
They can turn a cat in to a perfectly
imaginary human.
Turn a human back in to
perfectly normal kitty cat.
Perfectly sane technology!
This is the way it’s working!
Perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers!
When you want technology,
look to your fishy friends at sea.
When you need technology
look to the Fishers.
They have so much technology
under the sea far from you and me.
So much technology
that we can’t see.
And it’s perfectly sane technology.
Giant cities in the sea.
Perfectly sane technology
of the Fishers.

Princess: While I am looking forward to life as a cat, I’m a little worried that we don’t have a plan. I’d like to know what we’re doing next. I’d like us to be prepared.

7. Doom of the Orange One

Scene: The sounds of the bazaar are muted as folks run off and pack up.

Bub: It seems some of the others are worried, too.

Chorus

Are you prepared for the doom
The doom of the Orange One?
Are you prepared for the doom
that must becoming to us all?
Are you prepared for the doom?
The doom of the Orange One?
The doom it must come and devour us all.
The Orange One rules mightily.
He’s told us he’s the best.
The Orange One rules mightily
because he says it we’re supposed to
believe he’s the best.
The doom of the Orange One comes
The doom of the Orange One comes.
He’s told us he can not be defeated by anyone.
How will you defeat him if
he can’t be defeated?
How will you defeat him if
he’s supposed to win?
He’s a winner, or so he says.
A winner, he won a bet.
A winner, we know this
because he’s the leader.
He’s the winner or so he says.
He’s a winner so we are lost.
We can’t win against against such a mighty winner.
He’s won before we’ve started.
Won, before we’ve started
Won, before we’ve started
and his doom it will be here soon.
His doom it will come,
destroying us all,
capturing all.
Slaves in his factories.
Slaves doing what he pleases.
Slaves in his factories.
Ensuring profit.
Ensuring profit.
Helping him win.

Narrator: Clearly, that was part of the issue. They didn’t know how to defeat the Orange One. He had a lot of money, and with that money he had power.

8. Hands and Feet

Scene: While this would have taken place physically near the site of the bazaar, whether there is anyone left there by this time is debatable. The sounds of ocean waves nearby may be the only thing heard.

Bub

What about those hands and feet?
He does not have those things.
What about those hands and feet?
Those are quite strange.
He does not have those things.
Even Fishers have nothing like
those things that you have right there.
What of your hands and feet?
You can grab things quite obscene.
What of your hands and feet?
They are not fishy things.
They are hands and feet.
Hands and feet, walk and carry
many things, many miles.
Hands and feet they can carry.
They can smash and rebuild things.
They can grab and pick up,
while speaking something kind,
hug and caress and
put folks back in line.
What of those hands and feet?
They are not feline things.
What of those hands and feet?
They are mighty technology.
Mighty technology.
I have heard that when a cat has hands,
it’s such powerful technology,
the cat is virtually unstoppable.
What of your hands and feet?
They are not like feline things.
What of your hands and feet.
They might make you unstoppable.

Narrator: And so the Princess did not turn herself back in to a cat, at least for now. At last, she had a clue as to how to accomplish her goals.

9. Perfectly Prepared

Scene: Back on the road. The exuberance of her friends may pick up as the song goes on, so ambient crowd sounds and, ‘Yeah! Come on!” may be heard as the song progresses.

Princess

Here I come,
perfectly prepared
to defeat the Orange One.
Here I come.
Perfectly prepared
to put him out.
Here I come! Here I come!
Walking. Trotting!
To carry the lout!
Here I come!
Here I come!
Walking, stomping,
sweeping it all out!
I have what I need today!
Perfectly prepared to defeat, oh hey!
I am, we’ll be there really soon.
I will come!
Here I come!
Perfectly prepared
to defeat the Orange One!
Here I come!
Sweeping all his problems in to a pile.
Gathering up all his problems in a pile.
Using my hands to assemble more in a pile.
Building a plan and bringing it two feet.
Building a plan and knocking his stuff away.
Picking it up, and sitting it down,
and smashing it all up.
Here I come!
Perfectly prepared
to defeat the Orange One.
Here I come!
Together we’ll come!
I’ll use the tools that I have
and raise friends
and build a ladder strong.
Here we come.
Perfectly prepared
to defeat the Orange One.
Here we come.
Here we come.

10. The Cat with Hands

Scene: This is in the palace. It’s a quiet area. Towards the end of the song, the sound of cat feet running can be heard.

Guards

The cat with hands approaches!
The cat with hands approaches!
You know the stories!
You know the stories!
The cat with hands approaches!
The cat with hands approaches!
The cat with hands approaches!
You know the stories!
You know the stories!
We should leave!
The cat with hands will not obey!
The cat with hands will do only what she wants!
The cat with hands will take what she needs
and smash the rest to bits as she pleases.
She’ll smash the rest even if it’s me!
The cat with hands! She approaches!
The defenses were not designed for her!
The cat with hands! She takes what she likes!
Those strange fingered hands will be our demise!
The cat with hands!
She approaches, removing things and smashing others.
She brings some friends and distributes other things
and she will not like what we have done here.
That cat with hands has brought some things.
I think they’re cages. How does she open them?
Those hands they move in strange and unknown ways
and she performs feats mystic and strange.
That cat has brought her hands and now I must flee.

Narrator: Even as the guards were fleeing the Orange One refused. To flee would show defeat, and the Orange One refused to acknowledge defeat.

11. The Orange One Wins

Scene: The sound of money being counted can be heard softly in the background. The Orange One doesn’t care if he disrupts the counting, and makes no attempt to keep his voice down.

Orange One

The Orange One is the best!
The Orange One is the best!
I’m the Orange One and I’m the Best!
Never will be defeated unless they cheat!
I’m the Orange One and I’m the Best!
I’m the Orange One and I’m the Best!
They will not defeat me!
I’m the Orange One, don’t you see?
They will not defeat me! Unless they cheat!
Unless they cheat! But, you know,
if it gets to a point where I might flee,
then you know, I could say it was my idea!
I could say I thought of it because I’m the best!
I could say I did it because I’m the winner!
I can say it’s because I’m the best!
You know they can’t defeat me!
Unless, maybe, they cheat.
And, you know, they can’t defeat me!
Because I’m the best! I’m the winner here!
I have won all you hold dear.
I’m the winner here because
the Orange One is the best!
The Orange One is the best!
I’m the Orange One and I’m best!
The Orange One is best!
I don’t know what you’re thinking there!
I am clearly the winner here because I’m the best!
I’m the best! And I’m the winner!
You might as well give up!
Might as well give up!

Narrator: But, Princess did not give up. She persisted, and…

12. Baited and Crated

Scene: Cheerful crowd noise in the background.

Chorus

Baited and crated! Bated and crated!
The Orange One is gone!
Baited and crated! Baited and crated!
The Orange One is gone!
The Orange is gone!
We baited him and crated!
Baited and crated! Baited and crated!
We baited him and crated him!
Baited and crated all the day!
He is now gone! A winner in his little crate!
He is now gone I don’t care if he stays up late!
I do not care if he stays up late!
Baited and crated!
I hear him tweeting to the birds. He is really annoying!
I hear him tweeting to the birds, but we can ignore him.
He is away! Baited and crated!
Baited and crated and away!
We have won the day because he’s baited and crated!
Baited and crated! Baited and created!
The Orange One is gone!
Baited and crated! Baited and crated!
He took the bait and now he is gone, gone, gone!
He took the bait and now he is gone!
Baited and crated! Baited and crated!
The world is right!
Baited and crated! Baited and crated!
We can let out all the other people that he put away.
We can open up the doors and
tear down the walls he tried to put in our way.
Did he forget that we are cats and
we can jump on top of great big walls!
Maybe it was because he was kind of fat and
reserved his energy so he could tweet to the birds
all the night and some parts of the day.
But now he’s away! Baited and crated!
Gone away! Baited and crated!
He will be gone for good! At least for while.
Gone for good, at least for now.

Narrator: And so Fairy was safe. For a little while, at least.