Music

Maybe in my lifetime

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 1
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Maybe in my lifetime
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century English Air
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I want to see a cool thing.
Perhaps a game where players’ swing.
I think perhaps the Cubs might win.
But maybe not in my lifetime.

Cubs! Cubs! Could you one day
win a lovely game of sports ball?
Cubs! Cubs! Could you one day win?
I love my game of sports ball.

I heard that they once won games
but long ago and far away.
I’ve heard that they did once win games
but never in my lifetime.

Cubs! Cubs! Will you one day win
a lovely game of sports ball?
Cubs! Cubs! Will you one day win?
I love my game of sports ball.

I thought I might survive just long
enough to see the Cubs win.
I thought that I might have just one
chance for a win in my lifetime.

Cubs! Cubs! Might you one day win
a lovely game of sports ball?
Cubs! Cubs! Might you one day win?
I love my game of sports ball.

I thought that you might win this game
and sure enough, I could not complain.
I may be old but you did it.
And I saw it with in my lifetime.

Cubs! Cubs! I knew you would win the lovely game of sports ball!
Cubs! Cubs! You really won the lovely game of sports ball.

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Stone Cat

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 2
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Stone Cat
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century English Air
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I want to pet this lovely kitty
but I don’t know who or what she be.
Is she a shorthair or a Sphinx
or has something horrible happen’d?

Kitty, kitty, you’re a stone, stone cat.
You were just pretend all the time.
Kitty, kitty,
You were just a concrete statue in a shadow.

I want to pet something really soft.
Like a soft kitty cat and not a bird.
Birds aren’t so soft and they’re so fragile.
I really can’t just hug and squeeze them.

Kitty, kitty, I love you so.
You’re a lovely kit— ty, I hope you know.
Kitty, kitty, I love you so,
and I hope that you like my song.

I want to name a lovely cat.
And, I think I’d name it Pepperjack.
But then, perhaps I’d change my mind
and then change it to Buttersquash Fish.

Kitty, kitty, I love you so!
Knowing you seems very far away.
Kitty, Kitty, I love you so!
And I want to meet you some day.

I would like to have a cat or two.
When I’m a grownup or may be older, too.
I think it might be nice
to own a whole kittycat sanctuary.
Kitties! Kitties! How I love you so!
And in front, there would be stone cat, you know.
Kitties! Kitties! How I love you so!
And I would name all of them.

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I Have No Shits to Give

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 3
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I Have No Shits to Give
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century English Air
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought I might give a shit tonight
but I guess the shits are all out of me.
I thought I might give a shit tonight
but I have no more shits to give.
Shit! Shit! I don’t have no more.
I’ve pooped them all upon the floor.
Shit! Shit! I had to clean that up
and now I have no shits to give.

I thought I might crack a smile tonight
as I related that poopy story.
I thought I might crack a smile tonight
but then I remembered the stink.
Shit! Shit! It was all over
that stinky smell, it clung to me.
Shit! Shit! It was all over
and I did not want to smell it.

That stinky stuff it did not just go
where I wanted it to, don’t you know?
It just clung to me, all my cleaning stuff,
and I had to wash three or four times.
Shit! Shit! It’s so stinky.
And it clings to things, don’t you see?
Shit! Shit! It was such a mess.
And I really hate cleaning it up.

I used my gloves but it did not help.
My hands they stunk like nothing else.
I tried to clean it but I don’t know
when my hands will ever smell right.
Shit! Shit! I can take no more.
This stink must be sent out the door.
Shit! Shit! I just can’t take more.
Please, can you make this smell go away?

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Butterflies

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 4
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Butterflies
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century French Carol
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Butterflies could you turn a poor human?
Butterflies could you make me one of you?
I want to be a little but — terfly
and fly around all day
and flit ter flutter my wings and fly along
and dance in the garden light.

Butterflies would you stay in my garden
Butterflies, would you eat that milkweed.
I planted that milkweed just for you yesterday
but it is full grown now.
I hope that you enjoy eating it.
Yum my milkweed it is so great.

Butterflies would you come again next year
Butterflies would you come again then
I know that the fall chill makes you go away for a while
and sometimes die and that’s sad
I want you to live forever
but your kids will be here soon.

Butterflies do you like my song
Butterflies would you like my song
I’ve been practicing it for so long
and I hope that you might like it, yes, yes.
Please would you like my little song
Yes. Please would you like my song.

Butterflies would you stay in my garden?
Butterflies would you stay all summer?
I would like to play in my garden
and see you dance around in sunlight
sitting atop the flowers so bright
eating their nice pollen.

Let’s plant flowers all in the garden
Let’s plant so many that we sneeze.
I would like to have so many
flowers in the garden so the butter —
flies will have something to eat.
Yummy pollen for them to eat.

Look at all of these loverly flowers
Look at all these loverly flowers.
I would like to set some aside
and not pick them or bring them inside
so but terflies can find them and eat them
Yes, they can eat the pollen.

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Food for this Cute Fish

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 5
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Food for this Cute Fish
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century French Carol
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Bring me my food for this cute fishy!
Bring me my food for this cute fish!

This fishy looks oh, so hungry!
And I think it needs some good food. Oh, yes! Yes!
Bring my some bacon! Oh, yes! Yes!
And perhaps some seeds!

Bring me something lovely and silver.
This fish, it really loves silver.
I think that’s because it is a robot of a fish
made by someone far, far, far away.
And they dropped it off, off, so that it could explore.

Hey, I think I would like some fishes.
Hey, I think I would like some fish
that could fly through the air
with wings made of gosimmer and feathers.
Maybe fishes could learn to fly through
the air that would be just the way.

I think I would like to live with fishes
I think I would like to live with fish.
I think we could live in a big habitat down in the deep sea
and it would be really cool and we would be nice
but there would be no, no air.

I think it might be really cool
and I think, perhaps we could get some stuff done.
I will start the genetic experiments
to cre ate humans that can live in water
so that I can become a fish human
and that would be swell.

Hey, I think we might live on forever.
Hey, I think we might just finish death.
If we can only become like fishes
and live in seas
and live on the algae
dwelling on the starlight and sunshine.
I think that would be swell.

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Spiro the Dragon

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 6
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Spiro the Dragon
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century Welsh Tune
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Spi ro the dragon is kind of awesome.
He is really a Skylander.
Spi ro the dragon is real ly awesome.
He is really a Skylander.
He is not just from a game
that was played long ago, long ago.
Spi ro the dragon is su per awesome.
He is really a Skylander.

In the Legend, at the start,
where we see how rare is his breed.
While an egg, hunted by evil,
cast adrift for water’s reprieve
Raised by dragonflies,
and cared for by his brother Sparx,
he’d have to face the Dark Master to save them.
at least that’s how it went in the game.

Spi ro the dragon is real ly nice.
He is really kind and he helps me
pick up dishes when I drop them
he is real ly nice and flies around
He can put dishes away when they
fall from such heights that I can’t reach

Spi ro the dragon is real ly helpful.
Yes, he really helps, and I mean it.

At the school, in the show,
when he saves the day and makes the grade,
he found that he must try and be
his very best to save the day.
He took a nap but he woke up
just in time to somehow save the day.
Glumshanks had some advice
but found it was still too late to win the day.

Spi ro the dragon is a Skyland —
er. And I think that is really cool.
Spi ro the dragon is real ly kind.
He is really a Skylander.
He is helpful when I need the world saved
once again, once again.

Spi ro the dragon is su per awesome.
He is really a Skylander.

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Fishes in the Cat Bowl

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 7
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Fishes in the Cat Bowl
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Century Welsh Tune
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Look at the fishes in the catbowl.
What, dear cat, might be going on here?
I didn’t think that would really happen.
But it looks like something happen’d here.
Fishes there in the cat bowl
and I don’t know who to blame for this state.
Is it fishes that got in the cat bowl
or did the cat put the fishes here?

I like to eat fishes sometimes,
but I’m not a cat. I’m a human.
I like to eat my fishes with cats
I like to share them so we can all
enjoy the fishes on our crackers,
but you see that the cats don’t eat crackers.
I like to eat my fish with mustard,
but you know that cats, they don’t eat that either.

I would like to sing and dance,
but I think that my cat wants to do that, too.
I would like to sing and dance,
and I think that my cat wants to do that, too.
Kitty cats are nice in sunshine.
And they run and they dance all the time.
I would like to play in sunshine.
But you know that I just, I just stay inside.

I would like to dance with kitty cats
and run around outside like.
I think that would be a swell time.
If I ran around like it was out.
For outside it is sunny and
I like to run and play all the time.
But I also like my computer,
so I’ll stay inside and I’ll just cry.

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I am too full

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 8
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I am too full
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Franz Gruber (1787–1863)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I think I might, I think I might
lie down here on the floor.
I think I ate too much food tonight.
I think I ate too much food tonight.
I feel exception’ly bloated.
Oh, and I heard the Cubs won.

I am too full. Quite satiated.
Perhaps bloated. I should take something.
And I heard the Cubs won that old game.
Not once had they won in my lifetime.
But they won while I was eating.
I am glad they invit’d me.

That Cubbie game. It was fine.
I saw a little bit.
Between the food crimes.
It would have been a little better
if that person had worn a better sweater.
But, at least the Cubs, they won.
At least the Cubs, they won.

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Own a Fish

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 9
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Own a Fish
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Franz Gruber (1787–1863)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I think I might, I think I might,
own a fish, if that’s right.
I would like to own five million.
Large and small, they would go in a bin.
I would like to own so ma ny
that I could not count them all.

I think these fish are lovely fish.
I’ve heard that some glow in the dark.
But, my fish they don’t glow quite like that.
No, these fish, they don’t grow like that.
These fish they glow in fish lights.
That’s why they glow with spec ial lights.

I think that fish is a cute fish
like all fish. Swell, lovely fish.
I would like to name that fish Will.
Will’s a fish, and he’s doing quite well.
But, he’s still in the fish store.
That will not do, not at all.

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That is cool, I suppose.

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 10
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: That is cool, I suppose.
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Franz Gruber (1787–1863)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

The nice Cubbies they won their game.
That is cool, I suppose.
I was busy eating something.
I saw bits while I was complaining.
That umpire he made the call!
I think he did it all wrong.

That baseball game is a game
with a ball on a field.
Some people complain that it is slow.
I don’t know but I like the whole show.
I think it’s real exciting!
And I have time to eat food.

That baseball game the Cubs they won.
I did not think they would do it.
They’ve not won a game in my lifetime.
I was sure it would not be in mine.
But somehow they pulled it off.
That is so cool, I suppose.

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Beast Boy

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 11
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Beast Boy
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Franz Gruber (1787–1863)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I like to eat lots of things
they call me the Beast Boy.
I can turn in to many things,
stuff my gut with many things.
I just really love eating
I realy get so hungry.

I think I might be a dolphin tonight
they are cool mammals, too.
And maybe later I’ll be a snake
maybe an eagle, I could catch you.
We could practice. It’s so fun!
I think that you would have fun.

Sometimes I’m a kangaroo.
Watch me box his lights out.
Other times I’m a big gorilla
not a mind controling gorilla.
I get my gorilla powers
but I’m not super sapient.

How would you like
if I changed to
a little worm
and crawled in dirt.
Then maybe I could turn in to
a mole with a really weird nose.
I think moles are so cute!
Except the moles from space.

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Gun Christmas

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 12
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Gun Christmas
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Anonymous, 19th Century
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I would like to sing a little song.
Not just for you, for your whole crew.
I would like to sing a little song.
Not for you, for your whole crew.

I think you might like my little song.
I’ve been practicing it oh, so long.
I think you might like my little song.
I’ve been practicing it for so long.

I tried real hard to find you a song
that you would like, but perhaps I’m wrong.
I tried real hard to find you a song
that you would like, but perhaps I’m wrong.

I tought you liked to hear your songs
with something more conservative and strong.
I thought you liked to hear your songs
with something more conservative and strong.

This is why I’ve added more guns
to this Christmas song, though long.
that is why I added much more guns
I hope you like your Christmas gun song.

Bang, bang! Bang bang bang bang bang bang! so long.
I’m shooting up this Christmas gun song.
Bang bang! Bang bang bang bang! Christmas gun song.
Please secure your guns all day long.

I think you might like my Christmas song.
I think you might like to keep your guns long.
Please would you keep them secur’d. Please? Please?
I think you might like my Christmas gun song.

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Cat Hat

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 13
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Cat Hat
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Anonymous, 19th Century
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I would like to pet a cat, pet it all the time.
And sing it a little song perhaps it could rhyme.
I would like to pet a cat, pet it all the time.
And I would sing it a song that could rhyme.

And I would like really to pet all of the cats.
But I don’t have all the hands so I can do that.
Right now I just have two hands, that is where I’m at.
So I can only pet two little cats.

One day I may grow real big and real strong like that.
But I would still only have two hands for the cats.
Perhaps I might grow something quite like a nice hat
that could hold a big and strong, lovely cat.

Would you like to wear a cat perhaps on your hat?
They will be the fashion soon, be assured of that.
Snuggly cat hats are really where it will be at.
I think that I might like my lovely cat hat.

Cat hats they are really swell. Really they are that.
I would really like to wear my lovely cat hat.
It would allow me to carry so many cats.
That is why I want to make my lovely cat hat.

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Cheese Song

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 14
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Cheese Song
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Anonymous, 19th Century
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I would like to sing a song perhaps about cheese.
Have you ever considered something blue or green?
I really like to eat cheese all the live long day.
I really thought you might like to eat cheese that way.

Have you ever considered eating some more cheese?
Lovely little cheesy bits, cheese down to my knees.
Have you ever considered
cheese on cheese on crackers?
Cheese stacked up on cheese again.
It’s not that quackers.

I thought you might like to eat a bit of my cheese.
And by just a little bit, I meant pounds of cheese.
I thought you would like to eat pounds and pounds of cheese.
Or perhaps this really is just silly old me.

I quite thought you might like to eat some more block cheese.
Sliced cheese and shredded cheese and lovely stringy cheese.
Have you ever considered lots of lovely cheese?
I really like cream cheese to cheese upon my cheese.

I have heard that they put cheese in coffee quite fair.
I have heard that they might put cheese upon my hair.
Cheese might help my hair, it grow. Grow and bring delight.
Lovely and soft like soft cheese it would be quite nice.

Cheese and cheese and lovely cheese. Please bring me more cheese.
Don’t mind if I never poop it’s only ‘cause cheese.
I’m going to take more pictures, please could you just cheese?
Cheese and lovely cheese again. More of this good cheese.

Please would you shred some more cheese? Cheese, just please for me.
I would like some lovely cheese. Cheese upon my cheese.
Cheese would you smile a bit more. Cheese, would you please cheese?
Cheese, you’re such a cheesy chap. Cheesey down to knees.

I thought you might like this good cheese song, if you please.
I thought you were a cheesy, cheesy breezy breeze.
I thought you could use some more little slicey cheese.
Perhaps upon your crackers or left in your cheeks.

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It would not be lame.

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 15
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: It would not be lame.
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Anonymous, 19th Century
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought that perhaps the game would go on longer.
So I went to the kitchen to make me some food.
I thought that the baseball game would have gone on longer.
So I was away when the game, it was won.

Would you have ever thought that the Cubs, they could win it?
I was pretty sure that they would lose once again.
Have you have ever thought that the Cubs, they would win it?
I was pretty sure that they would lose once again.

Have you ever thought that perhaps the Cubs they like games?
They like to sing and dance and sometimes throw a ball.
Baseball it involves some bats and some leather gloves
I think that sounds really cool perhaps with a leotard.

Have you ever thought of maybe playing more games?
Perhaps with a diff’rent bat or a diff’rent ball?
I have really found that baseball can not complain.
They bring lots of money to their very wealthy teams.

But you know the Cubs are not the most wealthy team,
so it is very hard when they pick all their players.
Football is nonprofit so they don’t have that issue.
They can pick from the best when picking it is fair.

With baseball they’re not playing on a level field.
It is like the wealthy they get all the best.
Baseball it is like they’re not playing on a field.
It is like a mountain side; some of them are blest.

Have you ever thought that baseball could be better
if it weren’t so corp’rate with their moneyed betters.
Have you ever thought that baseball could be better
if they were more socialist: played on the level.

I have often thought we, perhaps, could do one, too.
We could make ourselves a game, here with our crew.
I have quite often thought that we should play our game.
We could bring the best of bits. It would not be lame.

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Something Weird

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 16
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Something Weird
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Once up on a day I thought I might eat something weird.
Something weird with long tentacles, but not a ten tacled beard.
I hope you thought it might be cool. I thought you might like it.
This is my slightly weird song for a slight ly weird kid.

I hope you like tentacles in your song and it is cool.
Not slimey tentacles. Just tentacles sticking in your grool.
I hope you like to eat your grool with ten tacles nice and green.
Or perhaps you prefer them mauve, it’s all okay with me.

I hope you like eat something and it sits well with you.
I don’t want to hear that you puked all over my new shoes.
I hope you like to eat your food with your forks and your knives.
Your older now so you use knives and not just sticks and twine.

Your old enough to use the knives because you’re growing nice.
You’re tall and strong and kind and smart and soon you’ll become wise.
Or per haps not wise, you’ll be bears. I’m not sure how it goes.
But however you end up, I hope that you have toes.

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Some Cheese With my Crackers

  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 17
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Some Cheese With my Crackers
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought I might eat me some cheese
with my crackers and wine.
I like my wine red or white or even the blushy kind.
I don’t whine if my wine is bad. I never, ever cry.
Not because of my whine, no, but because my wine is fine.

I thought you might like cheese with your crackers and my sausage.
That’s not a euphamism, but I am a euphamism kid.
I thought you might like a cheese ball.
It is cheesy and fun.
And spray cheese in a cheese can,
well, you can’t go wrong with one.

I thought that this year would get better
if I added cheese.
So here you go, my cheesy friend
some more cheese if you please.
I thought we could try
without cheese,
just once or twice tonight.
Though we’ll keep
smiling cheese, of course,
no more of the sliced kind.

I thought that we might eat some food
without cheese for my gut.
My gut it don’t like it no more
it really hurts my butt.
I thought that we could switch to something
a little higher fiber.
Not too much fiber, just enough,
I don’t want to fight her.

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I didn’t think they would.

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 18
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I didn’t think they would.
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

The Cubs they won that little game
I didn’t think they would.
They played their best once again
and they wacked it with their wood.
They used their bats on the small balls
and they ran on to home.
That’s as much as I know
of baseball, but it’s how it goes.

I think baseball is a game
and it makes a lot of buck
and the bucks they don’t stop
until they’ve gone to the top
to select the best players
they fight really with tooth and nail
but I suppose that’s how it goes.
It’s capitalism’s woes.

I thought that the Cubs would not win
but hey, you know, they did.
I’ve been betting on their loss
since I was a little kid.
It was easy, you know
because they’ve always lost the games
but today I’ve lost my shirt
so that is why I complain.

But you know that so many people
wanted to see them
win a game once in their lifetimes
since they were just a kid.
They’ve often wanted to watch games
and that is how it goes.
They love the Cubs for some reason
or that’s what I suppose.

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I Would Like

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 19
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I Would Like
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Lewis H. Redner (1831–1908)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Once upon a time I thought I might eat little pickles nice.
Once upon a time I thought I’d eat them with knives.
Pickles and knives they are sublime. I hope that you try them twice.
They are just the thing that you need, if you are eating rice.

I hope that you like to eat fish but perhaps not fish, some chow der.
It’s made with fish and that’s not all. It’s also made with powder.
I hope you like to eat it. I’ve a gallon or five.
I think it’s good enough to say that I could eat it thrice.

I would like to sing something about the beast that dwells here now.
I think this beast is really swell. I think I will call him Al.
Al may be a sasquatch, but he’s also my big pal.
I want to sing to him all day or maybe swim the canal.

I would like to do something here perhaps I could knit him a hood.
Perhaps I could offer him something like a mysteri ous wood.
I think he might like to eat something lovely and brown.
He might really like to eat chocolate right from the town.

I thought he might like chocolate but he seems more a carob guy.
Perhaps it’s because he likes the woods and to see you out. Good bye.
I think he might like too eat lovely green fronds of shoots.
Your campfire is just polution, so see, it’s you that’s rude.

I would like to eat something, yes, something perhaps not right.
I’d like smash my knuckles and perhaps make me some rice.
I thought I might want to drink some chocolate or some tea.
I made all this stuff yesterday and now I must go pee.

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I Guess It Ate Me Up

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 20
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I Guess It Ate Me Up
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Lewis H. Redner (1831–1908)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought I could survive the beast but I guess it ate me up.
I’m deep inside this dragon now and I think I feel it’s guts.
It’s very warm in here and there are also these bones.
I’m hoping heroes can slice it’s stomach and take me home.

I thought it would be quite exciting to visit dragon’s lair.
But I was gobbled all up as I was caught quite unaware.
That dragon’s lair was something piled high with gold and gems.
I thought I saw something lovely and I wanted to win.

But winners they are just losers who have managed to survive.
And I think I might have a chance if I can avoid demise.
I thought there was a duck here, but it is just this dross.
The digestive juice they turn your flesh to this grotesque sauce.

I thought it would be fun to explore the dragon’s fancy lair.
I saw such exquisite trinkets that I could not have dispair.
I thought I would be wealthy but now I am so not.
I’m wallowing in juices and I won’t have chance to rot.

I saw a pile of iv’ry in the lair carved and polished bright.
It seems that when we are spat out we will make something real nice.
I thought that I might steal one and give it to my ma.
As my mom, she likes shiny things and that’s the skull of pa.

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Soon They Were on to Home

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 21
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Soon They Were on to Home
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Lewis H. Redner (1831–1908)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

The Cubs they won their game
and I think that is really cool.
They played so hard and they
finally won that game with their wood.
They wacked that ball so hard
it really took off you know.
They ran the bases likewise
and soon they were on to home.

But Cubbies they frequently lose
even though they try their best.
We were surprised when they actually
won the title jest.
The Cubs they did win the game
though we were quite surprised.
They won it by a hair or more
but I don’t frankly spy.

I thought it would be interesting to write a baseball song
but I don’t know much about the sport so I just ramble on.
The sport it does contain bats and gloves of that I’m sure.
But I don’t know the composition of gloves or the wood.

I thought you might like to know that people often play the game.
And even more people they watch as others do the same.
I thought might be int’resting so I tried watching once.
I fell asleep at half time and then I fell off the couch.

I thought I would try again
but I drank too much that time.
I spent all my time in the bathroom
I guess there was a line.
That is how it goes when too many
people need to go.
They queue up and down the aisles
and put on, really, quite a show.

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Snacky Brains

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 22
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Snacky Brains
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 18th Century French Carol
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I would like to eat your brains
just some little snacky brains
How would you like to eat brains
just some lovely snacky brains
Brains. Lovely little brains.
I just want to eat brains.
Yummy little brains today.
Maybe some for dinner.
lovely little brains.
I just want your brains.
Lovely little brains for lunch.
Don’t call me a sinner. They’re yummy.

I would like to eat your brains.
Not yesterday’s left over brains
I would like to eat your brains
fresh and yummy darling brains.
Brains. Lovely little brains.
I just want to eat brains.
Perhaps you might just try to eat a little.
Brains lovely brains. Oh, lovely brains.
I just want to eat your brains.
Having them for dinner please.

I would like to eat your brains.
Lovely squishy darling brains.
I would like to eat your brains.
Not yesterday’s old, yuck brains.
Brains. Lovely little little brains.
I just want to eat your brains.
Lovely little brains today.
Let me eat just some please.
Please? Lovely little brains.
I’d love eat your brains to day.
Have me for dinner please.

How would you like to eat brains?
With some mustard or ketchup?
I’ve heard that the garlic’s good.
How would you like wasabi?
Brains. Lovely little brains.
I just want to eat brains.
Yummy little brains today.
Haven’t you tried them yet?
Brains, lovely little brains.
I just want your brains.
Lovely little brains today.
Have them for dinner, please.

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Have You Seen the Zombie Horde?

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 23
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Have You Seen the Zombie Horde?
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 18th Century French Carol
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Have you seen the zombie horde?
It is just a zombie horde
looking for things to devour.
Your flesh, my flesh and the dog.
I want to eat the zombies
because they want to eat me right back,
you see. Mutually eating.
I want to eat the zombies
because they want to eat me.
Mutual eating, you see.
Then we could all be well fed.

I would like to eat that dog.
What is wrong with his old knob?
I thought it was just a dog,
but mutants, they’re in the hall.
I thought these were just zombies
but these are not zombies.
They are really mutant beasts.
How can I kill them all?
I thought that these were zombies,
but they are really strange
horrible mutant beasts.
How do I kill them for sure?

I think it might be real fun,
grabbing guns while on the run.
If it’s just a video game
it would certainly not be lame.
But, please, don’t send me out.
I don’t want to die.
I think it is happ’ning now.
If it’s just a game, but
I think I saw something strange
in the bushes eating flesh
and making ripping sounds.
Please don’t let them eat me, no.

I think it might be real nice
eating flesh and jumping thrice
as high as I ever could.
Mutant powers, Xmen now.
I think I would like super powers
if I just got some of that mutant stuff.
Maybe I would not turn.
I would hope that I could be mostly human,
but if I wasn’t, then so what, I guess.
At least I would be real cool.

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Pickled ‘Shrooms

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 24
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Pickled ‘Shrooms
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Tempus adest floridum, from Piæ Cantiones, 1582
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Do you want something lovely like a pickled ‘shroom?
Have you pickled lovely shrooms? Yes, none of them rude.
I would like to eat your mush rooms. I think they are nice.
Indiana grows the best mushrooms that are very nice.

Have you consider’d something fungus and quite nice?
I think I have something here: Chicken of the Woods.
Lovely fungus growing, yes. Quite just over there.
Not quite over there, you see. I must keep the spot secret.

I think you might like something growing from the trees.
I perfected finding them and none of them green.
Fungus doesn’t use chlorophyll never, not once, no.
Sometimes you can find lichen but it is not just fungus.

Fungus is quite lovely when it grows over there.
I don’t want to find fungus up inside my hair.
Fungus it can be quite nice, if it’s in your soup.
Sometimes I like my fungus dipp’d and cover’d with green fruit.

I think you might like something: fungus and some wine.
I’ve heard there are lovely wines, that go with the grime.
Fungus it does grow in grime, but not politics.
That sort of grime does not grow fungus that you poke with sticks.

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Don’t Look So Haughty

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 25
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Don’t Look So Haughty
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Tempus adest floridum, from Piæ Cantiones, 1582
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I would like to eat your brains
maybe for dinner.
Have you consider’d brains
aren’t only for winners?
Losers they can eat your brains
thus becoming winners.
How would you like to eat brains
of the ones who run slowest?

I would like to eat your brains
maybe you’d like to try
eating some lovely brains
maybe and a thigh.
I would like to eat soem brains
maybe other parts, too.
I’ve heard the visu al cortex
does not taste like horse glue.

I would like to eat your brains
lovely for dinner
mash them up and cover them
with some plum sauce, yummy
I would like to eat your brains
maybe pan fry them.
Who am I kidding, now?
I think I’ll just try them.

How would you like to eat brains
sitting on a porch swing?
Have you ever thought of brains
while you’re farting thoroughly.
I would like to eat some brains
cover them in Horsey
sauce from Arby’s, yes, that place.
They do not offer brains, yet.

I would like to eat some brains.
Cover them in mushrooms
Piled on a cheese pizza
Smother them with bacon.
How do you like to eat brains?
Maybe in your coffee?
Brains for breakfast can be good.
Just don’t look so haughty.

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Good Enough to Eat

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 26
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Good Enough to Eat
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Tempus adest floridum, from Piæ Cantiones, 1582
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I would like to eat your flesh
rip it from your bones.
Please would you give me your flesh
maybe just your toes.
I am very hungry, sir
or are you a ma’am.
I don’t care because your butt
looks good enough to eat, yum.

I think that your flesh might taste
yummy like some peaches.
Have you thought of dipping yourself
in plum sauce for seasons.
I would like to dip your thumb
in some barbecue sauce.
I think you might taste real good
covered with noodles and veggies.

Have you thought of maybe not
including those in chili.
If you’re made in to a chili
you’d just need the meat and
maybe chili peppers, true.
Maybe those are optional.
How would you consider it
if I made a soup of your head.

Have you thought of maybe dancing on dining tables?
You could do before or after we serve you up on ladles.
I really want to eat you.
I think you are sweet.
Sweet enough to put on my little fork
and spoon and knife.

Have you thought of maybe that
you could become dinner?
Wrap you up and store you tight
you’d be such a winner.
I could eat you for more days
but I do like to eat
so I’d stuff myself while fresh
and you would not go to waste.

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Eat Lovely Things

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 27
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Eat Lovely Things
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I like to eat lovely things, lovely things all day.
I want to eat lovely things in a lovely way.
Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely things for you.
I think you might love to eat something lovely, lovely too.
Yes, I think you might like to eat something lovely, too.

I think we all might enjoy
to eat something quite nice.
Have you considered mice and something frozen in some rice?
I think that it might quench your thirst if you would give it chance.
And if you like it, I can bring some more over from France
Yes, if you like it I’ll bring more from France.

Have you considered locusts? They are a kosher, kosher dish.
I think they might like taste quite like something crunchy in a dish.
They are really nice to snack on, if they have eaten crops.
But not if they have scoured flesh from rocks, not from rocks.
Do not eat them if they’ve scoured flesh from rocks.

I think you might’ve confus’d something like locusts with a bunch
of nasty slimy critters coming over from space.
The space critters want to eat us and I am pretty sure
that it will be sad when they’re out the door, out the door.
It will be quite sad when they are out the door.

I think you might like to eat something that is not moving.
I don’t eat moving food and I have heard that it can sting.
Well, at least if it has a stinger or a tail swash
or perhaps claws to poke and grip your tongue, tonsils and such.
Perhaps if it has claws to poke and to crunch.

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Lovely Like You

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 28
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Lovely Like You
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I would like to eat something maybe quite lovly like you.
I thought once perhaps I might like to eat someone with shoes.
I’ve not tried shoes but they have no meat, so I’ll take these instead.
I would like to nibble on your yummy toes.
Yes, I would like to eat your toes.

Have you ever considered off’ring your arm as a snack?
Something lovely to snack on when you’re thrown in to a sack.
I never thought being in sacks could ever be much fun.
With you near me, I would have something to snack on.
With you there, I could snack on you.

Would you ever have thought I’d think that pumpkins are turnips?
I did not know that orange could be green like lump and skin.
My flesh it’s rotting, pieces falling, and the words they do suck.
But you might like eating this chop, yummy slop slop.
Oh, You might like to eat this chop.

I thought my problem would be really small like perhaps
I needed to dance or sing at a ball
but when I approach’d they just ran away screaming in terror
but you stay’d here and I’m glad of that. Yes, my friend.
I am glad that you decided to stay here with me.

Perhaps you might consider snacking on something for lunch.
I thought perhaps I’d prepare for you bog butter biscuits.
I don’t know what it is but I found it in the swamp out back.
I thought that it looked like a good snack, and that
is why I brought it here to you.

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Lovely Giant Dragons

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 29
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Lovely Giant Dragons
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Traditional
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Dragons they are lovely things, lovely things for me
Dragons they are lovely things lovely things for you
I would like a dragon if it danced upon this stool
but it would be so small that it could not gobble up you.
Yes, it could not gobble up you.

Have you thought of a big dragon as big as a car?
You could still climb on top and ride it like at a bar.
It might be only slightly larger than a lovely horse.
It might only be larger than a little horse.
It might only be larger than a little horse.

Have you thought of maybe dragons
as big as giant houses?
Lovely big dragons,
and they would be frightful when they pout.
But those dragons, don’t you see, they would be hard to keep full.
You would need to feed towns to keep their bellies full.
You would need to feed them towns to keep them full.

Have you thought of maybe the whole planet is a dragon?
A giant dragon pooping humans and war and delight.
It’s full of fire, true, just like
the heart of the planet Earth that we’re on, yes, it is just a dragon.
Yes, the whole planet is just a lovely dragon.

Have you thought of maybe the whole universe is one?
The whole entire universe is act’ally a dragon.
A giant dragon, yes, it’s true but it might be one still.
Full of fire and marvelous delights to see but not share.
Full of marvelous delights to drive you scared.

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Have you considered Libertarianism?

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 30
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Have you considered Libertarianism?
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: \smallCapsAntioch by Lowell Mason (1792–1872)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Have you consider’d Libertarianism?
They don’t want you to pay.
You get to keep all your cash,
but then you have to pay it back
to private corporations,
private, private corporations.
Really big, really big, giant corporations.

Have you consider’d democracy?
Where every vote, it counts.
But not only just your vote,
no your vote is stupid.
And his vote, it kind of sucks.
I think he just does drugs.
And I think, I think we should not vote.

Have you consider’d socialism?
Not democratic, just social.
It would be really nice
to get rid of the big,
great big, great big corporations.
Really big, really big corporations
Get rid, get rid of corporations.

Have you consider’d communism?
Where we live in some peace?
But not the old Russian type.
No, not the Soviet kind.
Some lovely communism.
Quite lovely, lovely communism.
Where we all eat food and drink our tea.

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Pumpkins

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 31
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Pumpkins
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: \smallCapsAntioch by Lowell Mason (1792–1872)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Pumpkins are like little balls of yarn
except they’re full of vegetable.
I thought they might look good to eat
but I was oh, so wrong, you see.
They’re just full of stringy seeds.
They are just full of stringy seeds.
I don’t like that pumpkins are full of seeds.

Replicators make my food best.
Bring me something like tea.
I once flew throughout space and time.
I thought I was sowing for time.
I thought I could eat a fish.
Except that fish went in my ear.
Now I’m hearing lots of things and running from shears.

Have you thought of something to do?
If you could do anything?
I would like to do some stuff.
Really far away far away stuff.
And perhaps stuff over here
and perhaps other stuff there.
I would like to do lots of stuff ev’rywhere.

I flew throughout space and time
Without leaving my ship.
My ship it really goes far.
It goes far in space and time
and that is how I get around
and that is how I get around
yes, that is how I get around town.

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They Won That Game

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 32
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: They Won That Game
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: \smallCapsAntioch by Lowell Mason (1792–1872)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I thought perhaps the Cubs would win
but not win that one game.
I put some money on it.
The Cubs they were to lose by ten.
Yet they won that old game.
Yes, they won that silly old game.
And the Cubs! The Cubs! They won that game.

I thought they were a good bet to place.
They never win their games.
But they won that old game you know.
Now I’m worried about my toes.
My bookie might break my toes.
My ankles, shins and toes.
I’m worried my bookie might break my toes.

How do you know if you are dead?
Will you see Cubs win again?
I thought they would never win.
I placed money on Indians.
I was certain they wouldn’t win.
I was quite certain they wouldn’t win.
But you know they won, and I lost my shirt.

How do you know when the world ends.
Is it because stuff happens?
Is it because the trump has won?
Is it because the Cubs they won?
Perhaps it’s gone too far.
Perhaps the end is here.
How do you know the world has not ended?

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External Digestion

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 33
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: External Digestion
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Felix Mendelssohn (1809–1847)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I would love to eat something
that would not sit in my stomach
I could eat it while I sing
and I don’t think I would need
to chew my food, not at all
it would not taste like the fall.
Would it taste like anything
if it didn’t hit my mouth?
Would it taste like anything
if I could not taste one bit?

Have you thought of eating food
that was green and sometimes rude?
It could insult your knife
and say things like, “"Don’t” use that!
You should not poke or stab
things that were living and bled.
Only eat your vegeta”bles!"”
At least thats what my radish said.
“"On”ly eat your vegeta”bles!"”
At least that’s what my radish said.

Have you considered eating
lovely beets purple and not mean?
Have you considered eating
something green and quite slimy?
I’m thinking brussels sprouts.
Yes, those nasty brussels sprouts.
I have heard they have iron
if you need that mineral
Do you need some iron?
You could eat that instead of meat.

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Turtle on a Biscuit

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 34
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Turtle on a Biscuit
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Felix Mendelssohn (1809–1847)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I want to eat something cool
like a turtle on a biscuit.
Perhaps I could make some gruel
for that cat to eat tonight.
Perhaps gruel would be nice
for that cat, and for it’s price.
It is made of oatmeal, too.
But cats aren’t made of oatmeal.
Gruel is made of oatmeal, yes.
But it is not made for cats.

I think the cat would like to eat
lots of meat; fresh, nice and sweet.
I think cats, they like to eat
bugs that crawl with six or eight feet.
Creepy crawly little bugs.
Crunchy, snacky little bugs.
Why do cats eat all the bugs?
I thought they also ate some mice.
Why do cats eat all the bugs?
When there are lovely tasty mice?

Have you thought what cats could cook
if they’d hands instead of feet?
Have you thought of what they cook
with their tails and just two feet.
Could the cats taste it all
without sweetness on their tongue?
What would cats cook for the chic?
If they cooked anything?
Would bugs be on the menu?
Or would we be stuck eating mice?

Have you ever thought of eating
mouse paté or maybe flank?
Have you ever thought of making
lots of things stuffed in a steak?
I once thought I’d eat it all,
anything and none at all.
Would you eat anything made
by lovely cats with their sharp claws?
Would you eat anything made,
if they made you something to eat?

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Just One More

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 35
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Just One More
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Richard S. Willis (1819–1900)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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I wanted to just get one more pet
and instead
I think I got three.
One was a cat and one was a snake
and the other, it just bit me.
I think it was a tiny little
mouse or weevil or something else.
It hitch’d a ride on my new cat here,
but I think it wants to eat us all.

Some things they like to eat peo ple and cats
and some things they eat not at all.
Most of the time those things they are rocks
but they are good pets, that’s all.
They do not poop or whine for old shoes
or do their duty on the lawn.
Instead they just look real nice, all year,
and then I have quite a ball.

But my new cat, it just had two ears, not the three
I wanted at all.
I wanted a three ear’d cat, it’s true.
Just like the one I saw at the mall.
This three eared cat, it wanted to play
the hedgewars game with my hedgehogs.
But I said no, and put it in another room
way down the hall.

My cat, it just wanted to play games
and it int’rested the weevil
I think it was a weevil or a tick.
But something small, that’s all I know.
This little bug, it wanted two things.
Quite naughty things, that I am sure.
World domination
and a gun
so I put it out the door.

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Hedgehogs at War

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 36
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Hedgehogs at War
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Richard S. Willis (1819–1900)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I wanted to just get one more pet,
but then I accident’ly got more.
I thought they were just pumpkins,
but no, they’re actually
hedgehogs that roar.
These hedgehogs they play their
hedgewars games.
And they fight all day and all night.
With little caps right upon their heads
that one just stabbed me with a knife.

I thought this game might be too violent.
But then I thought about something else.
This world is built on the deaths of those
that they, they came once before.
So hedgehogs, you play your hedge hog games
and kill and you fight and you maim.
But no, these hedgehogs, they will not play
your stinky political games.

These hedgehogs they like to throw their things
and sometimes they use bats.
Baseball bats I think that’s what they’re call’d,
but they have no Cubs hats.
Those hats are from the winning team from
some game that was played earlier.
But these hedgehogs they just use their bats
to slap these hedgehogs out the door.

I thought that these hedgehogs would use dynamite
and then boom and bomb this whole bunch.
But no! they just used an old dud mine
and that, it hurt, not at all.
I wanted to use my melon bomb
but I ran out last turn or so.
So I got in my U. F. O. ship and then
I drop’d stinky cheese.

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Blun Ga Flea

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 37
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Blun Ga Flea
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Richard S. Willis (1819–1900)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought I might perhaps just get one more cat
for the blun ga flea.
I wanted cats for the onion stew
and I wanted like them me.
My words they fall like just rain from face
and they make no sense, none today.
I wanted you to enjoy your deer,
and sometimes wash your own face.

I wanted to just get one more cat but then
accidently got more.
I thought it was just a tiny hedge hog
but then it grew to be a boar.
A giant pig from the Russian lands
with teeth that could gore a big bear.
I wanted something nice and cudly
but this thing just makes me roar.

I thought I might just buy one more pet, but I
like to get them sec ond hand.
A friend he offer’d me something new.
It was a lump with a hand.
This hand it look’d like it was made of stone
and it crawl’d around and I scream’d.
It was from aliens long ago
and they, they wanted to scheme.

I thought we would be safe when that man destroy’d
this thing once and for all.
But, lo! he is gone and now we weep,
for we have naught but this ball.
I thought this ball would be something like
a Pokèmon egg, that’s for sure.
But no, it’s just a ball, and that’s dumb
because I wanted Gurrdurr.

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At Least I Eat Them in Grams

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 38
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: At Least I Eat Them in Grams
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Richard S. Willis (1819–1900)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I saw the plant out upon the ground
it looked so good to eat.
I like my plants to grow there, you know.
And also up in the trees.
The trees are filled with plants in a way.
And in a way, they are plants.
And I, I like to eat trees.
Oh, yes. At least I eat them in grams.

I like to eat something awful strange
like pickles covered in hearts.
But not animal hearts, yuck, you know
I prefer artichoke hearts.
They’re hearty, yes, and they’re good for me
but blood they do not ever pump.
I’d like to see something in the trees
growing pears or maybe plums.

I thought I could eat all of that food
but I guess I made too much.
As it’s just veg’tables, then, I guess.
If I’m in doubt, I could mulch.
You see, you can compost ev’rything
and it’s easy when its veg.
You might not want to compost your friend
or enemy over here.

I thought the worm and decomp would do
to hide the smell of my meth.
That lab is making me profit, yes,
but it is also a mess.
I thought I could switch to herbs, you know,
but it they just legalized.
So I’ll keep making my meth, out there,
at least while I still have eyes.

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Fish Are on the Menu

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 39
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Fish Are on the Menu
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Richard S. Willis (1819–1900)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

The fish are on the menu tonight
and so are the meanest humans.
You might like the nice fish over there,
or you might like that human.
The fish are tenderized best we can
with clubs and with our flaming knives.
But humans, they’re so plump and yummy
we don’t need to tenderize.

I thought the fish would be best tonight
but what sweet to prepare with it?
Perhaps some pumpkin pie or flambé
or perhaps you’d just like stew?
I like to eat my humans all day
and sometimes I eat in the night.
With fish, I eat in the dark of night,
sometimes I snack with my sight.

I like to just eat fish with my eyes
but you could call that just looking.
It’s helpful to protect lovely fish.
I like to keep some at home.
I like to watch the fish all the day,
though sometimes it’s deep in the night.
These fish are so lovely and they glow
at least when I use my light.

I thought perhaps I would go out
and bring me back some humans to eat.
I swim around ‘cause I am a shark,
nibbling on their tasty feet.

I thought it would be really nice to
gobble up their legs and their arms.
But lo! it’s best when you go
and bite off their head: it’s like a charm.

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Football

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 40
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Football
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: William Kirkpatrick (1838–1921)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Football is the best sport
because they’re so keen.
They know their games need money
but not all are the same.
So they share all their money
in a socialist way
and it makes for the best games,
as I like to say.

I thought that perhaps baseball
was the American game.
But it’s greedy
just like U. S. foreign policy.
But not for good old football
for as can clearly see,
the Nonprofit Football League,
yes, it does right by me.

I thought that perhaps what I needed to
see was some football for me on the football T. V.
My T. V. was shap’d like a football in my mind.
Except it could show the whole screen or so I did find.

I thought that perhaps football was the best game to see.
I liked to sit and watch it while I was drinking tea.
I thought that perhaps I might enjoy foreign policy.
But it was greedy, just like I see on T. V.

Those baseball teams are greedy
just like foreign policy.
They’re not like football
as play’d in the nonprofit league.
I like football because
they’re so socialist, see.
It is quite nice because it levels all fields for me.

I like to watch my football and I like that I see
all those lovely men in their uniforms for me
to ogle while they chase that pigskin on T. V.
though I thought it might be better if there were more for me to see.

I wonder if they could go back to Greek methodology
where they all played in the nude
and greased up their sleeves.
Except they wore no sleeves
because they just greased their skin.
And it would make for such slippery things to see.

I wanted to do something while all of them just screamed.
I thought perhaps football food, that it might be quite keen.
They all make such great yummy things for the big gaming scene.
Wanting just to eat such food was_my only dream.

I wanted to do something super nice.
Like watch foot ball and watch them all greased up sublime.
But they were wearing way too much padding as I could see.
There was nothing for me…

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That Badger Boone

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 41
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: That Badger Boone
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: William Kirkpatrick (1838–1921)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I wonder how you might like
onion soup from pickles.
But the pickles have onions
and my soup that I know.
I thought it might be evil,
so I smashed with a spoon
that lecherous badger
whose name I thought might’ve been Boone.

That badger how I hated
seeing him twitch and flail.
So I poked and I prodded him
with my really good pail.
So the badger has decided
to give up leering and
he decided that instead
he’ll be a good badger now.

And badgers they can be kind
but if you see one soon.
You should question his motives
as he leaves the room.
And badgers they’re not evil
just one that I do know.
For some badgers, like some people
are pretty evil, yo’.

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As It Filled Her Whole Sight

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 42
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: As It Filled Her Whole Sight
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: William Kirkpatrick (1838–1921)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I thought I could take one less poop before bed,
but I pooped and I pooped and it got on my head.
My mother, she did change me,
while exclaiming with fright,
how that poop it did bother
as it filled her whole sight.

I thought that my poop would smell good as I am young.
Poop it always gets smellier
as you grow your long thumb.
Your earlobes keep on growing
just like your poor nose.
But your thumbs they don’t really,
except for arthritis woes.

I thought that my poop would be wiped right away.
But a rash I have acquired and it’s spreading like hay.
I wanted to be cleared up so I guess I will start
to sit on the potty as I poop or I fart.

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Little Unicorn

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 43
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Little Unicorn
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: John Francis Wade (1711–1786)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Please little unicorn
why don’t you join us
for some biscuits and tea
as we sit in this field.
Please! We won’t hurt you
we just want to play with you,
and look upon your beauty
that pointy sharp held beauty
that lovely little point
of a unicorn’s horn.

Please little un icorn
don’t you run away!
We don’t want to suck your blood
or to stuff our face.
We won’t dehorn you
rob you of that singu lar thing,
that wonderful and horn y thing
that glorious sharp poin ty thing
no we will not dehorn you
nevermore!

Please little unicorn
why won’t you just join us?
Just briefly and kindly
as we stroll about.
We love your friends here
It is oh, so lovely here.
You protected this vale,
protected forest vale.
It’s oh, so lovely
from your magic horn.

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I Have About Three Hours

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 44
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I Have About Three Hours
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 16th Centry English Carol
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Have you ever consider’d rolling dice?
Perhaps a nat’ral twenty?
Have you not thought
that playing could be nice
Have you thought of countries?
I would like to play that nice game.
I have about three hours.

Will that be long en —
ough to play that game?

I would prefer to take six.
How about we say
we’ll eat at four and a half?
Then we can go, parents willing.

I would like to play
sometime quite soon.
Please put that rulebook away.

Have you consid er’d
you could be playing it wrong.
I think you might not like that.

That’s not how it
is suppos’d to be used.
It does not work like that.
I think, you might, die twice tonight.
You are not a good player.

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Lovely Pirates Going Asail

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 45
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Lovely Pirates Going Asail
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: John H. Hopkins (1820–1891)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Lovely pirates going asail
striving forth to bring you some ale.
like to eat something that’s not hard
and old and full of bug tails.

Oh I like to eat biscuits, true.
I’d like to eat some with you.
But I’d prefer something more stout.
I would like to eat some stew.

Would you think perhaps it might be
loverly for you and for me
if we took our booty sailing
and go over by sea.

Oh, I want to see some islands bright
decked about in sparkling lights
stars a twinkling, wine glass es tinkling
I would like to drink all night.

But perhaps it won’t be all night.
Drunk I get, oh, it’s such a fright.
I would prefer to read a book.
Or, perhaps I’ll write one, too.
Oh, I like my booty, yes it’s true.
And I like yours, yes, it’s true.
But I think perhaps we should
just watch a show that has been through.

There are pirates who are going asail
boyed by their talk of the sale.
I think I might like to dance a while
under the moonless veil.

Oh, I like to drink and dance all night.
Pirates, oh, but pirates, right.
I think it would be quite lovely.
Why don’t I scare up a bite?

I think I might go for a sail.
Not down here, or inside a whale.
I would prefer up in the stars.
Asking comms, a ship to hail.

Oh, I am a pirate, yes, it’s true.
But not one for you or you.
I’m a pirate of the spaceways.
I would like some booty, true.

Why don’t we go forward a deck.
Twice, now, I thought it was a wreck.
But the cargo it was carrying
It could have eaten debt.

Oh, I am a pirate, yes, indeed.
Space is boundless and it’s bleak.
I think I might like the pirates
of the spaceways. What a feat!

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White Kitty and Black Kitty

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 46
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: White Kitty and Black Kitty
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: John H. Hopkins (1820–1891)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

White kitty and black kitty go
over there between my old toes.
My old toes they dangle uselessly
for they have seen too much woe.

Oh! I like my toes. I like them nice.
Stuffed in socks and shoes all night.
But you see my kitties grabbed them.
Playing with them to delight.

White kitty and black kitty both
like to dance and play evrywhere.
But, I think they might like to do
something about the hour.

Oh, It’s nearly four o’clock at night.
Cat’s will be as cats all night.
Screaming, jumping, wooing, wiggling.
Climbing up things all the night.

Kitty cats they like to do things.
Lively things and sleepier things.
These cats they just want to play with me.
I am trying to sleep.

Oh! I like the kitties, yes, I do.
White and black, they are so cool.
But, you see, these cats love me, so
on my head they want to sleep.

White kitty and black kitty both
play with kids and play with their toes.
I think they might do things
with a cat, a cam’ra and a pose.

Oh, black kitty’s a Ninja right.
Ninja quiet and out of sight.
White kitty’s just a Snowball
and tumbling down to our delight.

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I Want to Read a Book

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 47
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: I Want to Read a Book
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: 17th Century English
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

So, I think I might really like to read another book.
A big book or a little book or one about a crook.
Because I like all my books.
I like to read them a lot.
And I’m sure they’ll bring joy to me
as I get on to their plots.
I’m sure I’ll get on to their plots.

I want to read a book about a leaping little frog,
a little book about a really fancy little frog,
but this book’s about toads
and I don’t like those old toads.
So I’ll put it back and look for another book.
I’ll put it back and get another book.

I want to read a book about a wizard named Harry
an old wizard and a lizard that’s a wizard lizard,
but this book’s about a man who is called Dapper Dan
and that doesn’t sound like a wizard or a lizard to me.
That does not sound like a lizard to me.

I want to do something that is really, really weird.
Like get book covers and use them while at the library.
I think that it could be sweet when they see a book about meat
and they find it’s about some veg’tarian cookies,
when they find it’s about vegan cookies.

I want to read a book about some living giant whales.
Space whales that are sailing out in space, high above the sea.
but I think this book might
be about some light’ning bright.
I don’t think that’s what I was looking for today.
I don’t think that’s what I was looking for today.

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Lumpystilskin

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 48
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: Lumpystilskin
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Arranged by Michael Praetorius (1571–1621)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

Lumpy, yes, Lumpystilskin,
will you sing and dance tonight?
Would you like to continue to
sing about lumps in the woods.
But the woods, they have none.
No lumps that I can see now.
That tree doctor did his job.

I know you thought those trees
were lumpy. That’s why he was called.
But that tree doctor
he healed them. Yes, he healed all the lumps.
Those trees they aren’t lumpy.
We don’t need to burn the trees.
Birds and bugs live in the trees.

Lumpy, yes, Lumpystilskin,
I really like all of your lumps.
Lumpy Lumpystilskin,
you have such very fine lump lumps.
Lumpy, lumpy lump lumps.
I would like to see some truth about
your magic lumpy lumps.

I think it is folklore keeping
your lumpy lumpy lumps.
I would like to tell you something
true about your fae lumps.
I don’t think they exist.
They are just your perception
of how you go about town.

Lumpy, oh, Lumpystilskin,
please don’t cry abut your lumps.
Dear, sweet Lumpystilskin,
we all still love your fae lump lumps.
Even if they’re mostly,
yes, even if they’re mostly
or truely just in your mind.

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A Crappity Crap-crap Song

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 49
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: A Crappity Crap-crap Song
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: Arranged by Michael Praetorius (1571–1621)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I want to sing a song that might be about a big old crap.
I think this song might be about my biggest ever crap.
I had a real big crap.
I think you might not believe the size of my bigest crap.

I think you might not believe that my crap it was so huge.
I thought it might be bigger than my mom’s Labrador Hugh.
My big old crap it was huge.
I think it was so huge that I might never poop again.

And, now I don’t know how that corn it stayed so well within.
I thought I once heard that corn, you digest it, just leaving skin.
I think that my poop, it had skin.
Truly, why does that corn skin feel so wrong to have within?

Perhaps because I stopped eating corn when I was only ten.
I decided corn was no good so I just gave it up.
But why was it still within?
Perhaps that corn was a time trav’ling little piece of crap.

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A Song About Singing Songs

  • Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Album: Christmas 2016
  • Track: 50
  • Year: 2016
  • Title: A Song About Singing Songs
  • Album Artist: Mr. Beany’s Bitty Band
  • Composer: John Baptiste Calkin (1827–1905)
  • Poet: S.W. Black

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Lyrics

I want to eat something really sweet
and really yummy, you see.
But I have none and that is sad
so I think I will give a song.

I would like to give you a gift
that you really like, so you see.
But I have no money, no none.
So I just sing of singing songs.

I would like to sing a song
and maybe just one little song
and this good song is not too, too long.
Yes, I would like to sing a song.

I thought you might like my good song.
I thought you would like this good song.
It’s not too long. No, not too long.
And it is my very good song.

I would like to eat a big shoe.
But only a prepared big shoe.
Perhaps your shoe would be just right.
No, it is made of plastic, yuck.

I would like to do something cool
lie sit and wallow in my beer
but I have no beer, and that’s sad
so I think I’ll just write this song.

I thought this song would be like a
tattoo for your ears, don’t you see.
So, it will stick around for a while
at least until surgery.

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